(old)blog.the-kid.org

 
Ma arse! Here is an email I got to save you the trouble, in keeping with the recent blogs re:Scotland/England lol. No prizes for guessing my bias....

Thank you for your enquiry regarding our t-shirts. Prices are as follows:





£10.00 per t-shirt



Post and packaging as
follows:



1-2 t-shirts = £2.50



3-5 = £5.00



6-10 = £8.50



11-15 = £12.00





T- shirts are available to buy directly from our
warehouse. For all mail orders, please send a cheque with your name,

address and telephone no on the back, plus sizes you require.



Please make cheques payable to : Image Printers





No debit or credit cards accepted.





Image Printers

19 North Leith Sands

Lindsay Road Industrial Estate

Edinburgh

EH6 4 ER



0131 553 4222





-----Original Message-----
From: ßillythekid
Sent: 29 May 2006 10:30
To:
john@imageprinters.co.uk
Subject: ma arse tee shirts




hi,
how can i get hold of one of the mars tee shirts?
believe? ma arse! it's
perfect. How do I contact this Sandy Robb or place an
order? How come he isn't
eBaying them, he'd make a fortune..

Thanks

Now, where's my cheque book...

btk

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Masterbaker Yes I am. I have a huge rhubarb plantation in the back garden, so I decided to use it in a nice home-made recipe, courtesy the interweb of course. I stumbled across this recipe for Rhubarb and Ginger cake. Now, I am not what one might call an accomplished chef, so I called in help from the-kid kid the third, who was just out of nursery. Right Dad, I'll get the rhubarb. A couple of hours later and here is the result.....



Quite an accomplishment don't you think! Smells great, if posts follow you'll know it's not poisonous....


btk
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Two pint lager shandies.... So much for the blog-meet. Here's the story....

6:34PM Catty says, you better hurry, you've less than an hour.. I reply that 8PM is actually over an hour away and I have plenty of time. Aye but you need to think about the time it takes to get there. Knowing I had lost I shuffle off to the bathroom.

7PM-ish I am trying to get dried after a surprisingly good shower and of course the kids are deciding that this is the only time they can get into the bog... I throw on the clean skegs and hit the living room where I use the "sliding heat" to remove creases from my clothes. Everyone should get one of those, no more getting your fingers burnt on the fire or sooty clothes..

7:45-ish All ironed and dressed, clean shaven and hair done, I go through the final checks. Phone, wallet google earth directions etc.

7:50PM I leave the house and head towards the toon.

8PM exactly I arrive at the Illicit Still, find there's nowhere to park especially with the folk standing outside looking a bit dodgy and eyeing up my motor. So I do a bit of a loop round the block, heading to the DVLA car park, where I park and ignore the Pay&Display signs, after all I need the money saved to pay for the leather I am about to use...

8:09PM I enter the building, fashionably late but not so that anyone would wonder...

8:10PM I realize that I have never met anyone face to face before and really have no idea what anyone looks like, having a semi-old picture of me in cowboy hat on here won't help them either (I know it's hard to believe but I really don't wear the hat all the time). I order a pint lager shandy(miller £2.75) and prop up the bar, thinking this way when someone gets a drink in they are bound to notice the glaikit looking chap and wonder if he is lost, or perhaps waiting for people from the interweb...

8:15PM I look around at the people in the bar, there is someone there that could be neepheid, nah too young, hmmmm there's only two of them too so perhaps not, either way I am not going up to them, I don't want to waste all my shy....

8:35PM The paranoia has set in fairly deep, I can't help but wonder what is around the other side of the bar, I decide to break out of my glaik and talk to the barman. "What's round the back of the bar?" Chairs and a fireplace and tables and stuff is the answer. Oh and there's another bar upstairs. Upstairs you say.... Perhaps that's where these people are. I seee, says the barman, you are waiting on someone.... I think it best not to ask what else he thought the only billy no mates in the place was actually doing other than waiting for someone....

8:40PM The pint is now gone and I head upstairs, thinking something like, ahaaa, now they will all be so surprised and I can have an ice-breaker story of my woes below.... I go along the corridor and up the stairs as instructed, first door on the left, as I enter I find........3 People of which one is the barmaid and one is the mirror..... She's seen me now though so there's no going back... Pint lager shandy please. I realize my quota has now been filled and there can be no more. Especially by myself. I sit at a table this time, since the barmaid may well feel the need to speak at me....

9:25 The second pint gone and my nerves shot to shit I depart the premises, not knowing what other areas lie in wait in the maze that is the Illicit Still, out a door I never entered so promptly find myself lost... I quickly gain my bearings and head back to the car.

9:30PM I decide to go the long way home, via the sea front. It's a nice night after all. I realize that Innes was actually telling the truth about the area "around the HSS hire shop" being full of hoors. Holy crap batman, it's blatant. This is the first time I've ever seen hoors in real life. Superb! haha

9:45PM I arrive home to be greeted with "What's wrong? That was a quick night oot."


Never mind, there's always next time..... ;o)
  bŸtk Permalink 3 comments

 
Safety First Remember Piper Alpha? The oil industry does, and as such have many safety rules in place. They need to be "seen" to be safely disposing of bodies of killed roughnecks, for example.

Fast forward now to today. Catty is in this industry and knows these safety procedures are in place. Today she was in another place doing testing of her software for the clients, and, being that it's a workshop she took her holdall, which contains things like her branded overalls and ear-protectors. She even asked me if I had a spare hard-hat, which, bizarrely I did. I even ran her to work at this new place on the southern 'burbs of the city. A journey not without peril of it's own. When I finally got home i made myself a well deserved cuppa. The phone rings.

"Are my safety boots there?"
"No"
"Try the cupboard under the stairs"
(muffled groans and moans as I contort my body in the under-stairs world where the shoes are kept)
"Nope not there"
"Try the cupboard in our room"
"K, Hang on."
(muffled groans and moans as I haul out all the suitcases and assorted junk from our bedroom cupboard)
"Nope"
"OK I'll Phone you back, I think they are under the stairs..."
and she hangs up...

Now most of you would understandably go back to try to rescue the cooling remains of your coffee but I knew better. The trailing comment of I think they are under the stairs holds a hidden threat, those with womenfolk in the house know this.

I have no idea why she even needs safety boots, she is a computer programmer ffs, thats a job with as much danger of foot injury as it has of being interesting to the average person.

The phone rings.

"Did you check under the stairs again?"
"Yes, they aren't there"
"Did you send the kids in?"
"No, I checked myself"
"OK there are a pair of my safety boots....

I should point out at this point that she has only one pair of safety boots thus negating the first few lines of the conversation.

....in my work. Can you go and get them from work and bring them to me here?"

Again anyone with a womans input in their life knows that was not a real question.

"Sure thing"

So I brave the maniacal traffic of a bank holiday(red stingray corvette excluded) in Aberdeen and go to her with these boots.

All this was almost made worthwhile when out she comes dressed in full bright orange overalls and red vest with VISITOR emblazoned on it, along with the thank you and leaving comment of "they are all waiting on me in there, have been for over an hour now".

Almost.

The oil industry needs to be seen to be safe you know.....

btk
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